


Knock Before Entering

by Gelatichthyes



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Loss of Virginity, M/M, Masturbation, Mating Cycles/In Heat, Xenophilia, dave walks in, eventually they frick, karkat is in heat, mentions of terezi - Freeform, on the meteor fyi, stuff ensues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-11
Updated: 2017-08-29
Packaged: 2017-12-23 03:45:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 8,034
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/921612
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gelatichthyes/pseuds/Gelatichthyes
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Basically, Karkat unexpectedly starts his heat cycle. While trying to take care of it, a certain hipster douche walks in.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Plan?

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first story on here, so I hope the formatting works out alright. I would love to improve my writing, so constructive criticism, or even just comments in general would be awesome. Bonus points to whoever gets the song reference.

**Be Karkat == >**

Of all the times you could have started his heat cycle, it had to be now. Of course, your freaky mutantblood couldn’t wait until you all were off the meteor or anything. Like, where you might be able to hole up somewhere far away from everyone else, opposed to trying to stay secluded in your respiteblock, which was not all that far away from every other fucking person on this meteor.

Since there was no bucket to be had, you had to make do with dealing with your heat cycle in the ablution trap. After all, trolls had a lot of genetic fluid and it was always a bitch to clean up. That’s actually where you are now, gritting your teeth and trying to make the least amount of noise as possible as one hand ran over your candy red bulge and the other explored your nook.

And then a certain insufferable prick decided to knock.

**Karkat: Be the insufferable prick == >**

“Kitkat where the hell have you been? TZ said she smelled something funky so she sent me to investigate. Probably because I’m the only one cool enough to get you to leave your respirationsquare.”

“Fuck you Strider! It’s called a fucking respiteblock, grubfucker, and nothing you do is fucking cool or ironic!”

Keep your poker face natural, after all you were used to this, even though part of you wanted to laugh a little. One little comment and he was set off. “If you didn’t yell at everyone all the time, then I’d take that as hate flirting or pitch flirting or whatever the name you have for your hate-fuck-buddy. Kissmesissy or something.”

“It’s called kismesis you ignorant douche and not everyone fucks in that quadrant. Besides I don’t want you for that quadrant.”

For that quadrant? Does that mean he wants you for a different quadrant? You’d be no good at the austinpiss thing, and he already had murderclown for a moirail… “Since you seem to have stopped shouting at me then I’m coming in.”

“No, I just need some time alone.”

“Fuck that Kitkat, no one’s seen you in days. Maybe this is some creepy dead spirit thing talking to me. I’m coming in.”

“No. I just need some time alone!”

“You’ve had enough time alone and TZ’s gonna get pissed at me if I don’t have any news besides a shouting match through a door.”

“NO I JUST NEED SOME TIME ALONE!” Rolling your eyes irritatedly at the short troll, you walked into his room amidst his shout. And… it sounded like amidst something else…

**Insufferable Prick: Be the embarrassed troll caught with his pants down == >**

Of course, you had to climax just as Douchey Shithead decided to walk in. At the moment, you didn’t even care, letting out a long string of highly embarrassing chirps, grunts, moans, and mumbled words. Luckily for you, you at least mumbled in Alterian so Douchey Shithead couldn’t understand you. Unluckily, he heard everything clearly and was now standing a few feet away from the ablution trap, staring at your spread legs, twisting bulge, the bright red blush across your face, and the cherry red genetic fluids covering the bottom of the ablution trap. 

“Fuck.”

Embarrassed Troll: Be the fascinated human male ==>

You always wondered what alien junk looked like and everything, but this is so not how you imagined finding out. “So you’ve been hiding to have a masturbation marathon or some shit?”

Man… you’ve never seen Karkat so red before… you kind of have to feel bad for him. “F-fuck off Strider. I’m in my heat cycle, okay?”

“Heat cycle? Like, how animals get horny and wanna fuck?” No response. “Didn’t you guys say that your tentadicks are only out there when you’re horny or something?”

“…yeah…”

“So why is it still there? You can’t still be horny after that.”

“I already fucking told you Shithead. I’m in my heat cycle.” The very angry or very embarrassed troll turned on the bathtub spout to wash his grenadine jizz off himself and the tub and down the drain.

“So are you just gonna hide for the rest of the trip?”

“No dumbass. It’s a fucking cycle! It comes like once a year around the time adults fill pails to give to the mother grub. It lasts a couple weeks. I think.”

“You think? But haven’t you had these before?”

“Do I have to explain everything fuckass? Usually trolls don’t get them until we’re older, and that’s after our eyes change. It’s my mutant blood that has to make every fucking thing so damn complicated. If we’re going to have fucking health class can you at least close your damn eyes or turn around or both so I can fucking get changed?”

“Oh. Yeah, sure man.” You head back into the main part of the room, where his slimy bed is. Too bad there isn’t really anywhere to sit except the floor. After a couple minutes Karkat comes and joins you on the floor, his delicious grey cheeks still burning bright red, pointedly staring at the wall just over your shoulder to avoid contact. Wait. Delicious?

**Fascinated Human Male: Be Karkitty == >**

At least Douchey hasn’t asked you about the noises that he totally heard you make. But he is filled with pointless questions. Or maybe they aren’t pointless. After all, you are somewhat curious about his alien anatomy…

“Wait… your eyes change?”

Oh right. You were having a conversation with this studmuffin. Dammit. You meant douchemuffin. Douche. “Yeah, according to our eye colour.”

“So what will your eyes be?”

Is this sack of shit seriously like, the only person on this entire meteor who has no fucking clue what his blood color is? “Why you fucking mind your own business?”

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Okay.”

“What the fucking hell does ‘okay’ fucking mean!?!?!?”

“Calm your tits man. If you don’t want to tell me I won’t make you. After all I think I caught you masturbating. That’s enough sharing secrets for me.”

Why haven’t you kicked him out of your respiteblock yet? He’s just a grubfucking hipster who makes your quadrants more complicated than they need to be. Whoa. You did not just think about that. Humans don’t even understand quadrants so it’d be super bad and wouldn’t even work out. “…kat. Karkat. You still alive? You’ve been zoning a lot. Is it your perpetual horniness?”

“Strider. Can I just have some peace now?”

“Whoa man. You like, didn’t swear in that sentence. At all. Are you feeling alright?” There was a very long pause, because obviously you were not feeling alright, you were horny as fuck, going through your first heat cycle, and Dave caught you masturbating. Damn. You must really be upset because you actually called him Dave. “Karkat. Look at me.” Another long pause and you see out of the corner of your eye he reaches up and removes something from his face. No way. No fucking way did he take his shades off.

Turning in amazing, your voice gets caught in your mouth, “Dave-” Oh gog. Jegus fuck. Crimson. He has red eyes. Cherry red. Candy red. The same red your eyes are going to be. But… humans don’t have red eyes. Right?

**Kakitty: Be Dave == >**

“Kitkat… you don’t have to stare at them like they contain the secrets of the universe.” You attempt a lighthearted chuckle but it comes out slightly strangled and you shift uncomfortably. Now you feel how Karkat must have felt earlier. You can look anywhere except him. You know without your shades covering most of your face, all your emotions are easy to read, and that really doesn’t help with the whole uncomfortable thing.

Since Karkat hasn’t said a word the whole time, he must find them disgusting, like you have all these years. You shut them tightly. “I thought since I saw something personal, then you should see something personal.” Damn… your voice won’t stop wavering. “I guess I’ll go and tell everyone that your alive but don’t want to bothered.”

You start to stand up when something crashes into you, pressing against your face, and something sharp rips through the delicate skin on your lips. Oh fuck. He’s kissing you. Fuckity fuck fuck. You like it.

**Dave: Be the hormonal troll == >**

How the hell did this happen? One minute you’re caught touching yourself, the next you’re having an anatomy lesson, then you end up staring into Dave’s beautiful eyes, and now you’re kissing a human. An alien. When he said he had to go you panicked a little, because if TZ could smell your hormones from nowhere near your door, then every troll would smell your mutant blood pheromones all over Dave. And also… you were happy talking to him. It wasn’t a feelings jam with Gamzee, and you weren’t competing, even if he irritated the fuck you of you. Did you really flush for him? Is it possible to flush for a human? Dammit he’s messing up all your quadrants!

You started to pull back from him, after all he hadn’t responded so you must have made yourself a fool. At least you could blame it on your heat cycle. Maybe. But then he parts his mouth and risks slicing his tongue on your teeth in order for a deeper kiss, twining his hands in your dark, course hair. One hand found one of your nubby horns, and for some unknown reason fucking Dave Strider a.k.a. Douchey Shithead decided to rub it.

And since apparently the universe has decided that you haven’t made enough embarrassing noises, a very involuntary keening emits itself from the depths of your throat. Oh gog. That is so embarrassing.

Once you pull back for air, you realize Dave is smirking. Smirking is good. It means he liked it. Or bad. Since it means he liked it. “I wonder what other noises I can hear you make?”

No. You cannot do this with Dave fucking Strider. One, he’s an alien. Two, he’s messing up your quadrants. Three, you’re just in heat and really don’t want to make this mistake. So you do the simple thing. You abscond the fuck out of there. Even the chance of running into someone else isn’t as bad as continuing with Strider. You go the only place you feel safe- in the vents. It’s where Gamzee hid during his murderclown phase, so why can’t you hide there during your heat cycle. Fuck fuck fuck. There’s no way you can ever face Dave again.

**Hormonal Troll: Be the stunned human == >**

What. The. Fuck? You were actually having a good make out session with Kitkat when he randomly ran out of the room. Actually, you’re a bit upset. And on that note, you put your shades back on, regain your shades, and stride out of that room like a purposeful mofo.

And of course, soon you run into a troll, because your life just can’t be simple. It’s not Karkat, but at least it’s not murderclown, and you don’t feel in the mood to deal with TZ so luckily it’s not her.

“Sorry Kanaya.”  
She confusedly looked you up and down, then wrinkled her nose, “It’s alright. But where have you been? You smell odd.”

“Terezi told me to check in on Karkat, since he’s not a fan of Rose and she doubted he’d talk to a troll.”

“That doesn’t explain the smell…” Her eyes widened with understanding, “Pheromones! Karkat’s heat cycle must have started early due to his mutantblood.”

“Uh… wow. That was quick.”

“Dave, I’m a jadeblood. Our hemotype takes care of these sorts of things. We take care of everything to do with reproduction, from the mother grub, to helping hatchlings and wigglers, to educating and assisting trolls during their heat cycles.”

“Wait. Pheromones? I’m drenched in Karkat’s love scent?”

“Essentially.”

“Why can’t I smell it?”

“You probably can, you just don’t notice it. It’s basically just what Karkat smells like, only amplified.”

“Is there anything he can do about it besides wait?”

“No. We do not have anything to mask the scent or take his sexual drive away. If we were on Alternia, then those would be available.”

“Can I help him in any way.” 

A faint dusting of jade rose to Kanaya’s cheeks before she responded, “If you can commit sexual acts nearly back to back for a couple weeks, it should keep his pheromones in check since he won’t be trying to attract a mate, and he will most likely feel better. It may even speed up his heat cycle but I’m not sure. If you’ll excuse me then I can go and read up more on this subject.” Kanaya stepped around you and headed off down one of the many hallways.

Huh. So if you can find, catch, and fuck Karkles over and over then he won’t be so miserable and his heat cycle whatever the hell would pass. You can totally do that.


	2. And so they frick

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> They frick.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I apologize in advance for my awful porn. I did my best, but somehow I feel like I glazed over the actual fricking part and turned it into poetry. Sorry about that.

**Stunned Human: Be the troll cuddling with your creepy-as-fuck moirail == >**

You really shouldn’t think that. But he does scare the shit out of you. After all, he did kill a lot of trolls. But he’s your moirail, and you really need a feelings jam from someone who can shoosh pap and won’t judge you. Much.

“Tell me what’s motherfucking wrong, brother.”

“I’m uh… well…”

“In your motherfucking heat cycle. I can smell it all over you brother. It’s a miracle you’re not trying to jump someone to fuck.”

“Well I wanted to but it was with…” Fuck. You can’t even finish that sentence during a feelings jam. At least Gamzee has been pretty good at being a moirail now. He’s a lot less talkative these days and doesn’t like interacting with the others who still call him murderclown, and he can disappear for days on end, but you can usually find him in the vents when you need a good feelings jam.

“Motherfucking Dave Strider?”

You turn over so you’re facing your moirail and bury your face into his chest. If it was anyone else you might have jumped them, as Gamzee put it, but this was your moirail. You might do little comforting kisses now and then, and cuddle during feeling jams, but you didn’t get freaky with your moirail. Plus he’s killed trolls, so getting freaky with him would be mildly terrifying. “Yeah Gam. Motherfucking Dave Strider.”

You feel him shift and wrap an arm around you. “Then go motherfucking fuck him already.”

“But what about you? So far we’ve only jammed about me, Gam.”

“Brother, I’m tired of your bulge pressing against me. I know we’re pale, but you need to work off some steam before I wanna jam again.”

“…yeah.” You uncurl yourself from Gamzee, who is kind of looking thinner than normal as of late… “You getting enough to eat?”

“Go.”

“But Gamz-”

“Motherfucking go!”

“Alright alright…” You crawl around the vents, trying to find an entrance big enough to leave through, in a place where you’d want to leave through. You find one in the ceiling nearby your respiteblock, just a short drop down. You remove the cover to it, close your eyes, and drop down. Onto a surprisingly soft floor. Bony, but softer than what you expected. Then again, floors don’t usually grunt when you hit them.

Opening your eyes, you end up staring into deep crimson eyes, blinking in surprise. Fuck. It’s Dave.

**Cuddly Troll: Be Dave, a few minutes ago == >**

Damn trolls know how to hide when they don’t want to be found. Not wanting people to get suspicious, you were simply wandering around, looking for a glimpse of a short angry troll with nubby horns. You didn’t have much luck… but you did hear voices discussing something in the vents. Knowing full well that that is murderclown territory, you stayed out of them, despite hearing your name mentioned. You decided Kitkat had to return to his room at some point, so you were walking down the hall towards it when there was a metal scraping sound, and a certain short angry nubby-horned troll fell out of nowhere onto you.

You sat up, groaning and blinking at him in surprise, your shades knocked part way down your face, “Fuck Karkat… you weigh a lot more then I thought…”

“Are you calling me a fatass, shitstain?”

“Nah I saw your ass earlier and it ain’t fat. I’m gonna go with troll biology has different muscles or something. Though Vantass… It is kind of catchy. Maybe I’ll use it in a rap later.”

“Whatever. If you aren’t strong then you get culled, so all trolls who live even as long as us are pretty strong. The dangers especially high if you’re a- never mind.”

“What? If you’re what? A mutantblood?”

Wide eyes met his, staring astonishedly. “How… what…”

“You told me earlier, plus Kanaya mentioned it when I was talking to her. So if you don’t have the same colored blood as any of them, what color do you have?”

“You’re so oblivious it’s amazing Strider.”

“What?”

“You saw my bulge and my genetic fluids. I bet at some point you’ve seen my tears. I was definitely blushing earlier.”

“So?”

“It’s all slight variations of my blood color, dumbfuck.”

“So your blood is red. What’s the big deal? My blood is red too.”

“I… I guess I forgot about that…” You kiss the corner of his eye, then slowly work your way down his jawbone and onto his neck. “D-dave…? What are you doing?” Fuck is this making him nervous? He sounds nervous.

“You kind of got me hot when we made out and then left me, and I'm just continuing. You cool with this, Karbaby? Cuz you gotta tell me yes or no.”

Karkat turns red, all across his cheekbones, to the tips of his long, pointed ears, trying to speak through his arousal, “Karbaby?”

One hand goes up to his horn and rubs it in small little circles, the other pressed against the small of his back, pressing your bulges together. As you nibble on his ear, you whisper to him, “I want to do this Karkat, and it’ll help curb your heat cycle, or hurry it up or something.”

Karkat leans heavily against him and groans. “Repeating what Kanaya told you is a total turnoff.”

“As if you could get turned off while in your heat cycle.”

“Whatever. Lets just get inside my respiteblock so no one might come across you fucking me.”

“’You fucking me,’ huh? So there’s not gonna be any arguments over who tops?”

“Sh-shut up shitface.” Smirking, you pick up your tiny, horny troll and take him into your bedroom, which just happens to be down the hall from where Karkitten’s room is. Kicking the door shut you toss him onto your bed, already mentally undressing him. The smaller troll snarled at you from your bed, “Get the fuck on with it Strider!”

“Well that doesn’t make me want to do anything.”

“Gog fucking damn it Dave!” Karkat grabs you by the front of your shirt and pulls you close for a messy, desperate kiss, turned a bit bloody because damn his teeth are sharp. Grumbling a bit from your now throbbing lip, you break the kiss and pull Karkat’s sweater off, eyes drinking in every inch of his grey skin, noticing the scars from… well you’re not sure what but they’re in matching pairs going down his chest and stomach. Your favorite part is watching all his muscles, as they move and clench and loosen, because not only is he well-muscled, but the alien muscles are actually very different from your own, and- “Dave!!! Are you just gonna fucking stare at me like some goddamn piece of art or are you going to fuck me?”

“Calm your tits.” Slowly, just to taunt Karkat, you tug off the rest of his clothes, smirking at him, only to be pulled down into another messy, painful make-out session. “Fuck, Kar, give me a warning or something before you rip my lips to shreds.”

“Well maybe if you would hurry it up already.”

“Have some patience. I want to have fun my first time.” Looping one of his legs over your shoulder, and pushing the other one to the side, you lean in and do your best to put his damn squirmy tentadick in your mouth. Finally, you somehow get it your mouth, and fuck it’s weird. Because it tastes good. Like, cherries. But a bit more bitter. You start experimenting with various licks, feeling the odd ridges and bumps on the underside of his bulge, and how Karkat mewls and moans when you lick and press them. Soon you fall into a rhythm of sucking his dick while fingering his nook thing with two of your fingers. You want him to be good and stretched out for your awesome Strider stick. 

At some point in your mindrant, you realize Karkat has been babbling at you for a while now. “D-dave goddamn you fuck no don’t stop wait pause no not really I didn’t mean damn it what I’m trying to say is that I NEED A BUCKET.”

Pulling back for a moment you stare at him, a bit confused, “A bucket? What for?” And then a wave of red washed over you.

That part was an exaggeration. But damn. No wonder they need buckets. Well fuck. You smell faintly of cherries now –is this Karkat’s pheromones? Whatever. Despite that huge payload and the way Karkitten is gasping for breath and bright red, his tentadick is still waving in your face. Holy shit was Kanaya right with this whole back to back fucking.

“Man, Kitkat, you should have warned me. My awesome pajamas are all stained now.”

Still gasping for breath, Karkat glared at you, “F-fuck Strider, they’re fucking god tier pajamas. You- you’ve said yourself they’re self-cleaning.”

Rolling your eyes, already seeing the stains starting to fade and dry from your awesome pajamas, you lean forward, horny as fuck but not done preparing your adorable little troll.

“Str-strider? What are youuuuaaaah! Doing!?!?!” Smirking, you glance up at him, having added your tongue to his “nook.” Unable to respond, you simply flick your tongue again, tasting his bitter-cherry jizz, feeling very self-satisfied when you prod a series of small bumps inside him that send him shaking and grabbing at your bed sheets, ripping them with his sharp claws.

Adding another finger results in a throaty… noise… and you feel his nook tighten before your Karbaby orgasms again. Licking your lips you smirk at him, writhing on your sheets in ecstasy, deciding to remove your shades before they get even more covered in cherry colored fluids. Sadly they are not god tier, and therefore not self-cleaning. Bummer.

Suddenly you feel yourself flying through the air and hit the bed with a loud oof!, and Karkat crawls on top of you, running a sharp claw down your chest, easily cutting through the fabric of your god tier pajamas.

“H-hey! My awesome pajamas!”

“Shut up Strider, they self-repair! And you weren’t moving fast enough!” Damn, you do forget that despite being at least six inches shorter than you, being a troll, he is way stronger than you. It’s not an easy thing for your pride to take either.

**Past Dave: Be Karkat == >**

Despite those two mind blowing orgasms previously had, fucking Dave still hadn’t gotten anything, and dammit you did not feel bad but maybe he should just get some loving too. Or something. Plus he has had you a whimpering mess on the bed sheets for far too long- it’s your turn to make him a mess now.

Staring down at his bulge-thing, uncertainty hits you. It doesn’t move or anything… what do you do with it? Try to lick it…? As if he could read your mind, Dave hurridly denies that thought.

“Hell no man. No blowjobs. As much as it would probably feel amazing and take the pressure off my raging little man, I’d prefer not to be torn to shreds by your fucking teeth. You have a nook thing. Ride me.”

Ride him?

Ride him???

Oh.

Ride him.

Said fucking teeth nervously gnaw at Dave’s collarbone, just enough to break skin but not enough to actually seriously injure him. Besides, those moans he’s making prove that he is totally a pain slut.

After a moment of gnawing like he’s your sexy chew toy, you swallow the lump in your throat and kneel over Dave, a knee on either side of his hips, one hand by his shoulder, the other carefully grabbing Dave’s “little man” to guide it to your nook.

Dave props himself up on his elbows to pull you into a chaste and gentle kiss, murmuring in your ear, “Just go slow Karkat. I want us both to enjoy it.”

You nod, staring into his gorgeous crimson eyes as you slowly lower yourself on him, feeling him fill your insides in an almost painful way, your bulge caressing his shame globes-like sac. Unaware of the hissing sound in the back of your throat until your lover Dave shooshes you and caresses your face, you slowly start moving. Groaning, you tentatively grind your hips together, and damn that felt good, and apparently Dave thought so too because he just grinded back. Thrusting, grinding, two sweaty bodies, one grey and one white become one; a mass of writhing limbs, entwined in pleasure.

As you and precious Dave orgasm, your eyes meet each other, crimson meets crimson, and you’re lost in the most intimate connection, a blend of two alien souls in a moment of pure bliss.


	3. The Revised Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dave can't keep with Karkat and seeks help.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One thing for my darling weirdoes who like this to realize: I suck at updates. As in, on ff.net, there is a story I have not worked on in over a year. I just get stuck, then never work on it. So despite it being much shorter, at least it's a chapter!

**Karkat: Be Future Dave == >**  
Three weeks. Twenty-one days. Three thousand five hundred and twenty-eight hours. Two hundred eleven thousand six hundred and eighty minu- stop. Once you get keeping track of time it goes on and on. Stupid “perks” of being a knight of time. 

Anyways, it’s been three week (move on Dave, don’t dwell on the time) since you first banged Karkat. And you pretty much haven’t stopped. Yeah, it was awesome for a while, Bro would be so proud (hopefully). Who wouldn’t want endless fucking? 

Well, soon you found out. It’s tiring, but even when you want to collapse with exhaustion, his fucking bulge is still teasing your balls and dammit you just want to sleep for once! You can barely even eat anymore before you leave your food to lose warmth on the table while your horny alien lover all but has you fuck him over the countertop. Showers are pretty much worthless since you fuck during it and get dirty all over again. But the worst part… oh man the worst part… Chafing. Ah god… the chafing… You need this to stop. Well, maybe not stop, but chill a little. Stopping would be bad. Besides, you thought his heat cycle wasn’t suppose to last this long! Kanaya told you if you fucking him constantly, soon his body should be satisfied and his horniness would go away- except that it hasn’t, and personally, you feel like it might have actually gotten worse. 

It’s time to visit Kanaya. But first you have to slip away from your sex-addicted boyfriend.

**Future Dave: Get Caught Up in Time and Be Your Sex Addicted Boyfriend == >**

You roll over after a short nap and reach for Dave. It’s a tad confusing about where he fits in quadrants and everything, but you just sorta keep him out and call him a fuck buddy. Thinking of which… where is he?

You sit up with a jolt, stained (and moist) bedsheets falling down to rest on your (sticky) thighs, displaying the attempted hickeys covering your body. Trolls skin is just too thick for a mere human to make much of an impression on. But the main thing is that Dave isn’t fucking here. And you’re fucking horny.

**Sex Addicted Boyfriend: Be the Fuck Buddy== >**

“Kanaya, I really need your help but I probably don’t have much time.”

“Go ahead Dave. I actually wanted to find you because I read up more on troll heat cycles, and I have drawn some conclusions about what I assume your predicament is.”

“Alright shoot.” You shift anxiously from side to side, hoping your boyfriend won’t find you and have you fuck him in public against the wall or something. Though that would be kinky… You shake your head, trying to focus on what Kanaya is saying, tugging your tank top strap back onto your bruised and bitten shoulder.

“-and so I am fairly certain that because of your, ahem, alien anatomy and… liquids… it is actually prolonging Karkat’s heat cycle because his body is confused.” 

“So basically my spunk isn’t fulfilling enough for his alien stuff?”

Kanaya’s cheeks turn a deeper shade of jade as she responds, “That is the general idea, I suppose.”

“Damn. That’s a blow to my balls. So whaddo I do?”

“Well, I did also read about a certain concoction that seems prevalent on Earth but is rare on Alternia that automatically ends one’s heat cycle.”

“But Earth isn’t here anymore. We can’t make like E.T. and go home.”

“I am not sure that I understand your reference. However, Rose has been alchemizing it for her own personal use as a drink.”

You stare astonished at the elegant troll. No way. It can’t be. “Alcohol? I have to get Karbabe drunk off his ass and then he’ll stop boning me at every chance he gets?”

“I do believe that is the idea. This may be a problem for you, since I do not want to get involved. You will have to take this ‘alcohol’ away from your sister, who is insistent on abusing it. I do wish you luck, Dave.” And with that Kanaya leaves you standing in the hallway in boxers and a tank top with the thought of wrestling a drunk Rose for her booze or asking a sober Rose while she picks apart your brain. Geez… which one is worse?

**Fuck Buddy: Be Future Fuck Buddy == >**

You walk through the halls, purposefully avoiding places where Karsexy might be looking for you, as you make your way towards the lounge thing where Rose has been staying as of recently. This would not be fun. But chafed balls aren’t fun either. You’re kinda between a rock and a tentadick hard place at the moment.

“Rose?” Oh good- she’s sober for once. Wait… Damn she’s sober for once.

“Yes Dave? What could possibly be your reason for seeking out your dear sister at a time like this?”

You attempt not to grit your teeth as you sit down across from Rose and prepare for a long conversation. “I need soma your booze.”

“Dave, don’t turn towards drinking to forget about your abusive relationship.”

“It’s not for me! And wait! What! What abusive relationship!?”

Rose taps her chin thoughtfully as she gazes through your shades, directly into your eyes. Damn you hate it when she does that. “You don’t get that many bruises from falling down stairs, and you certainly don’t get bitemarks.”

Oh. Those. You self-consciously wrap your arms around your torso, not that it helps cover up anything, let alone the fact that the majority are on your collarbone or neck. “I need it so Karcute will get over his heat cycle. And it’s not abusive!”

“Is it perhaps that my dear brother is into… certain things… during sex?”

You totally do not turn bright red and stutter when you reply. “I am so not discussing this with you, ecto-sis.”

“Oh darn. I thought it’d be an interesting topic that would delve into your inner mind workings. But alright. If you don’t want to discuss you it gets you off when your xeno boyfriend bites you then we won’t.”

“Alright I’m a pain slut,” you sink down into your chair, staring at the floor, “Now give me Karkat’s alcohol okay?”

“Fine Dave. We can continue this later. Besides,” Rose smiles at you in that infuriating way of hers, “it’s in the fridge. You really didn’t even have to ask.”

Damn her psychologist ways.


	4. what even are chapter titles anymore

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> stuff happens. fights, dramas, break ups, oh my.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> guys, when i first started writing this, it was going to be a one shot, pep. this was my plan: GFDI DAVE: DAVE WALKS IN. SMEXY TIMES. THE END.
> 
> but then i sort of kept going. and going. and going.
> 
> and my chapters are short because i write very little at a time and then i feel guilty for not uploading so then i present short chapters.
> 
> oh and this one has another song reference in it, but it's a bit more hidden. can anyone guess it?

**Future Fuck Buddy: Be Sex-Deprived Boyfriend**

As soon as you find Dave heading back down the hallway towards the room you two currently share you practically jump him, crushing him up against the wall in a hot and heavy kiss.

“Karkitty not right now we really need to tal-” Dave’s protests melt away once you sink your teeth into his collarbone. “Kar not in the open!” Well, they don’t completely melt away.

Dave eventually pushes you away, breathing heavily, his shades askew upon his flushed face. “Karkat. I’m serious. Drink this.” He holds a bottle that you totally didn’t notice previously out to you.

You only take it because you’re curious. Not because some douche told you in a serious matter and actually used your name for once. Totally not that.

“What is it?”

“Drink first. Talk later. It won’t hurt you.” You eye the bottle suspiciously then take a sniff, recoiling from the strong scent. “Oh please, you talk about eating grubsauce. This isn’t gonna kill you. Here, I’ll take a drink to prove it’s fine.”

Dave snatches the bottle back and takes a big swig of it, making a face at the taste. “Geez that’s nasty Rose…” he murmurs under his breath. “Now you.” He holds the bottle you expectantly towards you.

Rolling your eyes you take a drink of it. Afterwards you shrug at the taste. “It’s not tasty but it isn’t the worst thing I’ve ever had.” You hold the bottle out to Dave. His eyebrows disappear behind his shades they way they do when he’s confused. “What’s the matter, Dave? Didn’t you bring this to share? It’s your turn.”

“I thought you would want to drink it all…”

You quirk an eyebrow at him, “Why?”

He sighs theatrically before leaning against the wall. “Karkat I can’t take your heat cycle anymore. I mean I love the sex we shouldn’t ever stop with the sex, but maybe do other things too? I mean my balls are chafing- hell my dick is chafing! So I asked Kanaya and she said that this drink would sop your heat cycle because it’s gone on too long cuz of my alien jizz all up in your system.” After his rant he takes shallow breaths, eyeing you carefully.

In response, you simply take another big swig from the bottle.

“You’re not mad?”

“I’m pretty pissed you couldn’t just talk to me but I’m pretty done with my heat cycle too. It’s embarrassing and weak to beg someone like you to ‘fuck me harder’ and such. Plus hormones are a bitch.”

You continue drinking, leaning against the wall nonchalantly. “So I guess we won’t see each other much anymore now?” You don’t sound disappointed. You totally don’t sound disappointed. And you totally aren’t holding back a sniffle.

“Wait, what?”

“Well if we aren’t screwing each other now…” your voice falters, unsure now.

“That’s all we are to each other? Fuck buddies?” He sounds pretty disappointed, especially with how he spits the last two words as if they are venom.

“Well… I thought… I-it doesn’t fit into quadrants, what we were doing… We weren’t pitying each other… Platonic bros don’t fuck and I have a moirail… Plus we weren’t loving- it was just fucking. We don’t exactly hate or have a strong rivalry all the time and there’s only two of us so no mediating… So I just thought-”

“I’m fucking sick of your quadrants! I thought that we were boyfriends who loved and comforted and insulted each other and went to each other if there were problems and-”

“Well you didn’t come to me with problems about my heat cycle now did you!?!”

“I-” You saw the change the instant it happened. Dave snapped his mouth shut and set his face back into the stoic prick you knew before this all happened. Before you got you heat cycle, before he walked in, before everything. “Dave, hey, wait…”

“I am done with you, Karkat Vantas. Just leave me alone.” And with that, he was gone. It didn’t matter what feelings you had for him, if you had any, that needed sorted out. Not anymore. Dave was gone because you fucked it up. You should have realized he didn’t like quadrants, not after the mess he had with Terezi. You should have thought about trying things his way, or even hearing him out, instead of snapping back at him like the defensive asshole you are. No wonder all your friends are dead, your moirail practically nonexistent, and everyone else left alive avoids you. Because you, Karkat Vantas, are the shitstain on the thong of the universe.

**Continue to be Karkat, just a week or so, or just an undetermined amount of time in the future == >**

After weeks of no interaction with any other troll, your good for nothing “moirail” slinked up to the door of your respiteblock.

“Gamzee. You’ve finally shown back up.”

“…”

“Aren’t you going to tell me how we’re going to be best friends forever, in that stupid gravely voice of yours, you fucking nookwhiffer.”

“…”

“Did you know that late at night I’ll curl up on the hornpile, when I need it the most… When I need you the most.”

“Karbro…”

“No! You don’t get to come in after so long and honk a few times and expect everything to be all good! You know what, Gamzee? Get out, right now! It’s the end of you and me!”

“Karbro, you don’t motherfucking know what you’re saying.” Gamzee reached a hand out towards your cheek, a pathetic attempt to shoosh-pap you after so long of just nothing.

You bat his hand away, staring into his eyes with a mixture of hurt and defiance, “This moirallegiance is breaking, with every word I’m saying.”

“Kar-”

“Get out! Right now!” You push him squarely in the chest towards the door, refusing to let the red tears blurring your vision overflow. At least, not until he was gone.

Gamzee cast one last forlorn glance over his shoulder as he leaves, never stopping, never slowing down. Just one look that said it all- this moirallegiance had been broken long ago, just not officially.

Once he was gone and the door shut once more, you slumped down to the ground, pressing the heels of your hands into your eyes, loud, disgusting sobs wrenching themselves from your chest. You hated this. Why couldn’t anything ever go right, just once, for you? The sobs continued, pale red fluid seeping from between your fingers as you slowly cried yourself out, until you were a shivering heap of pathetic troll curled up on the floor next to the door. 

**Karkat from an undetermined time in the future somewhere around a week: Be a very fashionable troll with at least one stable quadrant= >**

It had been a while since you’d seen Karkat, and that made you worried. He always took things so personally and so hard on himself, and had a tendency to isolate himself, most likely stemming from his mutant blood and- you gently smack your cheek. Psychoanalyzing your friends is what your lovely matesprit does. You just seem to be picking up on her habits.

But, you really should go check on Karkat. You nod to yourself, heading towards his room. Once you got there though, your resolve seemed to, well, dissolve. What if this ends up bordering on pale?

You end up pressing one hand to your slightly blushing face, the other still poised to knock. You’ve had a bit of a pale crush on him for a while now, and you know Rose wouldn’t mind if you got yourself a moirail, as long as you didn’t spend all your time away from her.

Although you are a tad disappointed the thing with Dave did not quite hit it off as well as you hoped, the upside of Karkat not going out anymore prevented you from becoming their auspistice, leaving you open to possible form a pale quadrant. Although, there were rumors of Gamzee and Karkat’s break up (thank you Terezi) you weren’t entirely sure how much was true, and you certainly didn’t want to invade a quadrant! No, you were not that type of troll!

You took a deep breath and knocked on the door, nervously biting your lip as you wait. After a muffled sob rang out, you decided to go on in, but you called into the dark room, announcing the fact that you were entering, before actually doing so.

Stepping into the room, you immediate see Karkat, all curled up on himself, looking like he hasn’t moved for a few days, and not even in a pile!

“Oh, Kar…” You kneel down and rub his back gently, “Is this about Gam?”

He finally sits up, slowly, as if his joints were stiff, and turned his face towards yours, his eyes bloodshot, his face streaked with pale red where tears had dried.

You took a step closer to him, holding out your arms. After a brief hesitation, he lurched forward, wrapping his arms around you, sobbing even harder.

“Shoosh… It’s okay, Kar, I’m here.” You moved from rubbing his back to gently papping him.

After a little while, once you have him calmed down to a couple sniffs every now and then, he asks, “Kan, are you pale for me?”

“Well, erm,” You take a deep breath, decided to just go for it, “Yes. From your willingness to receive such pale acts from me, I assume you at least do not currently have a moirail?”

“Yeah… Gamzee came around here and I told him off, and even though he was an awful moirail, we were together for so long, and he never let my insults actually hurt him, but then once we broke up then he just left, and didn’t even really try to fix anything. Kan, he just left me.”

“Shh…” You hold him tight, wiping the tears away from his eyes. You are a bit scandalized to do such blatant pale acts with a troll who is not your moirail- at least not yet- and on the floor nonetheless! You didn’t even have time or materials to create a decent pile! Gaining control of yourself, you ask him for confirmation, “So is this a yes?”

“…Yeah. I’ve always held a lot of respect towards you, and occasionally fear (you did cut off Nitram’s legs, what the hell) and whenyou died that one time I was pretty broken up. I guess I’ve always had some pale feelings for you but pushed them aside because of Gamzee.”

You smiled, your glow intensifying for a moment, “I’ve had a pale crush on you for a while. I’m not entirely sure exactly when it started, but I’m glad you return my feelings. Now how about you clean yourself up and then we return to my respiteblock, or the commons area? I’ve been worried because you’ve holed yourself up in here for so long.”

“…Will you wait outside the abulation chamber for me?”

“Of course.”

Karkat holds up his hand for you to see, his fingers forming a diamond shape, “pale for you?”

You smile, feeling a blush run through you as you stand up and then hold your hand out to him, “Pale for you.”


	5. A Different Plan

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> its finally here, its done, its not good and its not long but at least its finished for good now

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey everyone, very sorry about this. I meant for this to be a oneshot and then I kept writing but I never really had a plan. I got a little lost and then lost interest. I'm truly sorry I couldn't write you more (or better) but I stopped caring about meteor fics years ago and well this was my take on one. I'm really only posting this so there's an end.

**Be the dreaded psychoanalyst== >**

Finally, your time to shine. Unfortunately your dear ecto-brother has always been lacking in the communication and emotional depth department, but fortunately for him you are currently in a successful and content relationship with the most lovely, elegant space lesbian you could have met. Anyways. Time for teasing to commence. Twirling the half-empty glass of your apple martini you catch Dave in your stare, “Why do you seem so down? Alien biology too unusual or is it just the fact you were raised by a sweaty mammal with no understanding of emotions or human connection?”

“Leave Bro out of this and leave me alone.” Dave heaved a heavy sigh.

“That sigh was very early middle school emo-phase. Something must be up.” Rose paused, waiting for a snarky if not slightly panicked response but received only silence, “Dave? I can help.”

After another lengthy pause Dave lifted his head, “He thought we were only fuck-buddies and I thought, iunno, we mighta had something. Or something.”

“Did you tell him or was it all sex with a snarky teasing commentary? You know he bristles when sensitive. Just talk to him.”

“I would but I don’t know how to find him and besides I keep hearing creaking and shit what if the muderclown is gonna mess me up for messing with his monorail?”

“Moirail, and I believe Karkat’s having a lot of drama in his relationships lately.” Dave raised one pale eyebrow above the rim of his shades, indicating to Rose to continue, “I heard gossip of a breakup in that quadrant. And a new moirail entering the scene who may be able to assist.”

“Oh fuck you guys have meddled enough.”

“If I remember correctly it was you who messed up your relationship.” Rose folded her arms and set her jaw. If he didn’t want her help then she wouldn’t offer it.

After a moment of what Rose presumed was a stare-off (hard to determine due to the ever-present shades), Dave took said ever-present shades off and tucked them into the neck of his shirt. He sighed and ran a hand through his hair, looking more haggard than she’d seen him.

“Okay Rose. Please help me. I really care for that angry asshole.”

**Be the other half of the power-couple== > **

Kanaya wrapped her arms around her smaller moirail and pulled him closer so they could comfortably spoon on her pile of excess fabric. “Kar we all know you’re upset with how things happened with David.”

“Dave.”

“Hm?”

Karkat sniffled, “His name is Dave not David. He doesn’t like David.”

“That’s just what Rose told me to call him.”

Karkat snorted, “Figures. I just don’t know what to do… He doesn’t fit or care about my quadrants so I thought he thought it was all temporary or something. He’s a jerk, you know?”

“He’s human. They don’t do quadrants.”

“But you and Rose-”

“Are different. Talk to him. I’m sure he feels the same.”

“Did you hear that over via space girlfriend telepathy?”

“Indeed. It’s the most efficient form of communication.”

Karkat snuggled a bit closer to Kanaya, smiling a bit, “I’m sure.” After a comfortable silence he twisted around to face her, “What should I do? He doesn’t want to see me.”

“I can help with that if you want.”

**Continue being the space lesbian, but in the future== > **

Kanaya patted the couch next to her, “How was your talk with David?”

Rose say down and immediately leaned into the side of her girlfriend, “The same as ever. Having troubles with emotional intimacy and wishing he had a relationship with a certain troll.”

“That certain troll feels much the same way. We need to get them to talk to each other.”

Rose sighed and slid down the couch, leaning into Kanaya, “But how? A simple ‘Hey meet me here’ and then have the other one waiting for a similar reason or a more convoluted overly-complicated plan that won’t work exactly as planned and yet somehow in the end it all comes together anyways?”

Kanaya rolled her eyes, “I believe the first one will be sufficient. Make sure David is staying put somewhere and I’ll tell Karkat to meet me there.”

“Now?”

“Hmm, no. Perhaps I’m being selfish but I would greatly enjoy staying here with my functioning relationship for a little bit longer.”

**Be Mr. Nubs even further into the future== > **

Karkat entered into the common area and stopped short when he saw a figure clad in red lounging on the couch muttering raps under his breath. Dammit Kanaya. He took a deep breath and then smiled, “Hey Dave.”

“Hey Karkitty. Karkat. Do you-”

Overlapping Dave’s question, Karkat hurridly asked, “Can we-”

Dave grins, a gentler smile than his usual shit-eating sarcastic smirk, “Yeah. I think we can.”


End file.
